How Does the Effect Affect You?

This one goes out to my right-hoof girl, Bessie. Bessie is awesome!
Bessie edits a lot of documents, and any human who edits a lot knows that after a while, the human brain turns to mushy peas. I often start confusing English grammar with Spanish and German grammar after a while, and I have an Oxford education.

Since “affect” and “effect” can be easily thrown into the mushy-pea category, this will be our topic today. And it will affect you greatly!

So, y’all know what a verb is? It’s a person, place, or thing. Just kidding! A verb is an action word. (Hey, the majority of you humans can’t tell shat from Shinola, so I cover all ground throughout my lessons.) The word “affect” is always used as a verb. Remember this!

Here are a couple examples:

Betty was greatly affected as a four year old by watching her grandfather try on dresses.

Sure, the hurricane affected Walter, but it affected Charles most! I heard he lost his lucky set of teeth!

Got it? OK. So, moving on, the word “effect” is utilized as a noun signifying the direct result or consequence of an action. Now, what’s a noun? A noun is a person, place, or a thing. A thing. A thing? Yes, a thing. How we llamas adore the crap public schools teach you!

Here are a couple examples testing out “effect”:

The effect of the stock market crash was most devastating on bankers who were no longer able to afford cufflinks made of children’s teeth.

There’s no telling the effect of spilt uranium until people start growing an extra esophagus or two.

Is this making sense? Let’s try a few comparisons.

Look out! Thomas B. James is on the prowl again! This is going to affect the whole town!

The lack of sunshine has a pretty negative effect on my wildebeest’s general demeanor.

My hamster keeps belting out show tunes in the middle of the night, and it’s really affecting my sleep.

The effect of picking up Bertha and throwing her in the air was devastating on Edmund’s spinal column.

It’s OK to stop and consider if the affect/effect you’d like to use is a noun or a verb. Just like my last who-versus-whom lesson, this is a rule you have to practice over and over. This is all you must know: “Effect” is a noun. “Affect” is a verb. “Effect” is a noun. “Affect” is a verb. “Effect” is a noun. “Affect” is a verb. “Effect” is a noun. “Affect” is a verb. “Effect” is a noun. “Affect” is a verb.

OK? OK!

Once you’ve build up your confidence, your grammatical guile will have a positive effect on everyone. I’d even say that it will even affect everyone positively!

Still confused? I sure hope not, but it happens. Feel free to leave a comment!

All for now,

LL